Stretching Out

The other night I was speaking with a very good friend and accountability partner. I asked her about some interactions she had observed me in over the past week and wanted her feedback on how I had handled a certain situation.

I'm still cringing.

Basically, it boiled down to her telling me that my actions/reactions resembled those of someone with a lot less self-control and discernment than what I'd like to think I actually possess. And, in not so many words, she implied that I hadn't given her enough reason to trust that her initial assessment of my actions were wrong. In this particular type of scenario, I was seemingly failing miserably at responding in a way that showed Christ's influence in my life, or, at least, that's the way I took it.

My gut-level response to this conversation? Total denial and blatant defense. I wanted to respond with as many excuses and justifications as I could to prove to her that she had judged too quickly and too harshly. After all, she didn't know the whole story, and it had always been clear that our ideas on these types of situations were different. But by the grace of God (for there's no way I chose to on my own) I held my tongue and decided to contemplate what she had said. This issue is probably the one I struggle with most in this season of my life, and therefore the hardest one to allow God to work in.

Though a bit painful, the conclusions I have come to and am still working out as a result of this one simple conversation have been perfectly in-line with similar themes that seem to be running in my life this semester. I have already begun sensing that this semester is going to push me in ways that I may not always feel prepared for. Now that I am fully into my major classes, most of this semester focuses on ministry. More importantly, this semester seems to be focusing on personal, disciplined growth.

In other words, this semester's theme is: kick Lindsay's butt until she realizes that it's good for her.

Another friend and I were talking recently about maturity. We agreed that a strong indicator of maturity is the ability to self-evaluate and make changes in your life where necessary. This is a skill that any person should be able to develop as they grow and age; however, for Christians, I think this skill is even more important and is a true sign of one's ability to let the Holy Spirit work in his/her life to mature his/her faith. I have always prided myself on being very self-aware; I know my strengths and weaknesses, I know how my personality functions and I have a good sense of where I fit in the world around me. However, I am only beginning to realize that there is much more involved in making changes than just the initial desire to make the change. I have to be willing to take the steps needed to move me in that direction; I have to be willing to stretch.

Therefore, right now, in front of whoever may happen to read this (and in front of the Big Guy Himself), I am committing to being stretched this semester. I am making the conscious choice now to be a different person in 4 months. I am promising myself and my Father that I will take the pain, the embarrassment and the confusion as much as I need to to reach the next step of my journey.