Unabashedly Alone

“Christianity is a strong choice because it requires one to live in the light of radical freedom. And it is the strong choice because it requires that you stand in this freedom all on your own. The road to God has many lanes, but each is wide enough for only one person to stand on. Small is the gate and narrow is the road; paved for two feet, and I'm alone before you.” –Megan Fritts

‘Small is the gate and narrow is the road’; these words have never meant more to me than they do now. Though Christianity is an entity that boasts of the need for love and communion, our faith at its very essence is one of solitude. At the very core of our existence, the very center of our beings lies a question in which we alone can answer. No one can force us to acquiesce and no mortal man can walk the path laid out before us, whichever direction that path may take. We are, and rightly so, created as individuals to choose from our own free will. The path to salvation is every bit as isolated as the path to damnation, if not more so. To truly follow the narrow path is to forego all thoughts of societal comfort, at least at the most basic level of our journeys.

To choose the small gate is to expect – to embrace even – the consequences that such a choice must create. The loss of friends, the severing of ties, the alienation from family and the ostracism from society are all trademarks of the faith in which I’ve staked my life upon. And justly so! For didn’t my Savior suffer alone, abandoned by all to choose the path for which He was created?  Alas, my only comfort in the realization of these truths (if any comfort is to be had) is to know that these tragic occurrences of my life are true signs of a life lived for a Cause.

It is to some recompense to note that while the walk I take can hold my width alone, there are others whose paths run parallel to mine.  As I’ve reached this new crossroads, I can look back down the trail enough to see that the parts of the journey I’ve traveled thus far have been bordered by the same trees as those that have chosen the same. This new junction of life may prove to be leading me down a road much less shaded by the friendly groves of my neighbors,’ but I know I am not the first to take a deserted path. I have found that there is comfort to be felt in such a mutual lack of camaraderie. 

Situations and Circumstances

I spent the past few days with the family of a close friend. I hadn't anticipated the weekend being much more than a fun end to a busy week, but it was. For weeks now I have been feeling the pressure of responsibility. My life has been consumed with making money and forming plans. With a year left of school, my thoughts have been full of life after college and what God may have in store for me. I have been questioned about my possible future plans on more occasions than I can count, all of them ending in answers of uncertainty. For the most part, I am excited by my many prospects. I know full well that God will give me wisdom when the time comes and will bless me so long as I am glorifying Him with my choices. But trying to wrap my mind around the next chapter of my life when it is still so vague is a bit daunting.
My goal in the midst of all of this is to work harder to live fully in the present. We are called to not worry about the future, to allow our Father to direct our steps. He has charged us to serve Him every moment of everyday, not just in the days after graduation or when I finally get a job, but here and now. All of this is, of course, easier said than done, just like most of the good goals in our lives are.
This weekend, however cliche it may sound, gave me a chance to stop time for a couple days. For the first time in quite a while, I was able to fully experience the beauty of true relationship. I spent the weekend more or less "unplugged." I had no access to the internet and used my phone very little (mostly due to the lack of cell phone reception out at the Carr estate.) Instead, the 3 days were spent with meeting (and re-meeting) people from all different ages and locations. Given my nature, I barely had time to adjust to meeting the first batch before the next one came in. Though a bit overwhelming at first, I loved being thrown into such wonderful chaos. Having come from a fairly small family and growing up in pretty different circumstances, I haven't ever really experienced such a level of genuine family bonding and it is an event I hope to relive not only in the near future but also down the road with a family of my own. These lovely folks came from all over to celebrate a special day and to simply be together. It was a truly beautiful thing. And it helped me to slow down and enjoy the moment.
On the drive home last night, I realized how peaceful it had all been. And I realized that that peace comes from the very fact that the people I had met and grown to love over the weekend have far more than just a love for one another; they have a love for God that is clear and tangible. His presence in their lives enhances their bonds with each other in a powerful way. It is realizations such as these that give me hope and courage for the future. Sharing in such a blessed time helps me to truly focus on all that God is doing for me now and to rest assured that He will only continue to bless me in the future so long as I choose to seek His face.

The beautiful Day Carr sang this song this weekend and the words continue to play in my head:

May your hands always be busy 
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation 
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful 
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young