(Special shout-out to Tom Neyhart for holding me accountable to this)
With only about 10 chapters left in the book of Job, I admit that I am quite a bit behind in updating you all on what God is teaching me through this book. I can list off excuses and reasons for my procrastination, but the honest truth is that I simply haven't had anything to write about. Normally I write my blog posts in my head, for the most part, throughout the day as inspiration hits and then get it down on keys before I forget it all. My delayed response about what I've been reading is mostly due to a lack of such inspiration.
My initial reaction is guilt. I had such high hopes and plans for this study and reflex tells me to blame it on a lack of focus and motivation, which, admittedly, is partially true. I could have been taking more time to truly reflect on what I've been reading and to seek God's wisdom through His Word. As humans, we will always fall short, there is always room for improvement. I am just as human as the next person (perhaps even more so at times.)
My secondary reaction is, of course, self-defense. At this point in my psyche, the obstinate part of my nature rules out and the justification process starts to occur. I list off the various other commitments in my mind that are deemed at least as important as my quiet time is, or at the very least, reasonable explanations for why I have been slacking a bit with Job. During this stage of my thought process, guilt becomes a very tiny spec in the rear-view mirror on the road to blamelessness.
Why does any of this matter? It doesn't, except to help prove a point that would seem completely irrelevant if I hadn't first given you the context in which I discovered it.
The only real, solid insight I've been able to grasp through this time in the Book of Job is that we, as humans - broken, mortal, flawed humans - don't really have much of a say in the category of "life lessons." Of course, we can ask God to teach us certain things, or allow Him to put us in situations that will undoubtedly lead to our growth, but we don't actually get to decide the minute details that are the true framework needed for us to learn and grow. Here I was believing that I could tell God that I was ready to learn A, B and C from the book of Job in X number of days. I told God that I would be so challenged by this book and that insights would pour from my brain to share with other people. And now, the only insight I can truly share with you is that on my own I have no insights at all. I have been growing and learning so much during this time of going through Job, but I can attribute very little of it to my actual reading.
Praise God that He is so much bigger than our plans. Otherwise, we'd all be horribly doomed.
